[Chaotic_]

So, this semester (though I'm literally only my second week in) has been hell. I don't think I can manage everything. My depression is acting up, I'm getting super heavy and feel like returning to self-harm basically every night. I haven't done anything yet but it has been on my mind.

My last counseling session my counselor really pushed me to look at all of triggers for what we thought was anxiety, but now I'm just super depressed. Like a lot of it stems back to thoughts of suicide, self-harm, a lot that happened in college, etc. He wants me to e-mail him things I want to talk about at our next session throughout the week because he knows that I have a lot to say but I just can't get it out. I want to e-mail him about the self-harm and depression but I don't know what to say, and I don't want him to be concerned. I'm not a danger to myself, and I don't want to come off that way. Though every once and while for a split second, I do have thoughts of suicide but I typically snap out of it fast because I know that I have a lot to live for and a lot I want to do with my life.

I'm just struggling with it all. I have a lot on my plate. I'm in my last semester of college. I live with my boyfriend so their our household responabilities to take care of. I run my own business. I'm taking three classes. My advisor enrolled me in an internship that I have to do before I graduate. But the internship is 45 minutes away via high way and I can't drive the high way without having a panic attack. My advisor also isn't understanding. He's the type that is like "you have to just suck it up and do it," but I literally cannot. I can't drive on the highway. I freak.

All of this, toppled with everything else that I have to do is killing my mental health ever so slowly. I just need help and I don't know what to do.