[hocus pocus]

Holly gave some good advice and I agree with what she has said. Everyone does react differently regardless of their sex. Overall, there are a lot of the same symptoms. However, I know several men who were raped or sexually abused in childhood and have seen a few differences.

I personally have a lot of shame myself but many of the men I know probably have more shame because they are male. To some people only women can be sexually abused by a man; a man can't be abused by a man or a woman, and so they have shame and even more shame when discussing it.

I also struggle with discussing it and being open about it but the men in my life struggle with that more. They are very closed off and they barely ever talk about it. Instead, they use other things like alcohol and drugs, to numb things for a while. All the men in my life who have been abused are also very angry. I am deeply angry, too, but I feel like it is somewhat different with them and I haven't figured out how so.

Lastly, we know the stereotype that "people who were abused become abusers" is false. However, sexual, physical, and mental abuse is very common in my family and has been for generations. So far, all of the men re-offended; only two of the women did. Not everyone who is abused abuses. There is an extremely low percentage of that. However, anyone of either sex can re-offend; it depends on their personality and the way they are with sex. Men struggle more with it because of the intense hormones they have. The people in my family who re-offended are very "extroverted" when it comes to sex and they have personalities that could be unhealthy for other people. For instance, if someone is selfish and very interested in sex, they are more likely to harm someone else when their past is added in the equation.

I am not implying your friend would re-offend, because I highly doubt he would. It was more of a general thing I've learned in my years of therapy.

That said, I can see how much you care about your friend and it is very kind of you.