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Hey there!

I want to start off by welcoming you to the site and also saying that you should be proud of all of the progress you have made with things like your self harm and suicidal thoughts, and also because you want to tell your boyfriend. I think that he will be a great source of support for you. I also don't think it'll necessarily hurt him, as this is something that you two can work through together so you both can be on the same page, and so he can get to a place where he understands what you're going through.

I'd say that it's okay to maybe ask him to talk through text. Maybe you can let him know something along the lines of you are safe and okay, but you do have something you want to talk to him about next time you see him. I would definitely mention that you are safe and everything is okay (as long as it truthfully is okay), because I know that for me, if I get a text just saying "Can we talk?" it can make me a bit nervous. You can also mention that it has something to do with your mental health, but that you are not struggling at this moment.

I think the thing with texting him first is that way you will have less of a chance to be able to back out, because he'll already know something is up. So if you're afraid that you won't actually go through with it, texting may be a good way to go.

You can maybe start out by bringing up the fact that he knows about your anxiety already. You can say something along the lines of you feel as if he needs to know that one of the ways that you have coped with this anxiety and depression is through self harm. Perhaps you can explain a little bit about why you have used self harm as a coping mechanism and what it does for you, as sometimes people do not know why someone would harm themselves. I would definitely also mention all the progress you have been making, because that may reassure him too.

You can mention that you didn't want to hurt him, but you wanted him to know from you before he finds out in any other way, such as by seeing scars or just by accident. You can let him know you trust him, and if you feel comfortable with doing so, perhaps you can let him know that he can ask you any questions he may have so he can get to a place where he understands a bit more about what is going on.

If you think there is anything you will need from him to help you, I would also mention that so he knows what he can do to help when things get rough.

I hope this has helped, and I wish you the best of luck!

-Dez