[baggedmilk]

I used to self harm on my arms a while back, (I was naïve then and went "across the street" instead of going "down the street." Then for some reason I stopped. I don't exactly remember why but I haven't touched a razor or anything else of the sort since then. I don't really care why I stopped. I'm just glad it didn't get too severe. My dad came into my room earlier today, and he was handing me a smoothie that he made. So I reached out my arm, unfortunately I was wearing short sleeves. (my scars aren't even scars(??). they're like.. i don't know how to describe it. its like a color darker than my skin but there's no sight of blood or anything. but anyway they go across my arm until a bit past my elbow. I thought no one could see it anymore and I was just hallucinating but jfc was I wrong.) Then he asked me what was wrong with my arm and I just got so scared because I didnt know anyone could see it and I thought it was just me (as mentioned above). I lied to him and said it was my friend's dog that did it. This was a very stupid attempt at lying. He asked me why I was lying because I haven't seen that friend in like a month. Then I told him I was testing my mom's makeup products on my arm earlier that day (like you know how the makeup gurus test the color on their hand). He still didn't believe me so I was like "oohhhhhh now I remember! it's from that time we went to the beach and I put sunscreen on really weird and it's like uneven skin tones!" I do realize that this is stupid. I was so flustered and I didn't know what kind of excuse to make up. I'm really scared and I know I shouldn't have done it on my arm. Please don't tell me to tell him about the scars because even though I said it was a while ago, it was actually a few months ago that I did it. I just really don't want him to find out. I'm terrified that he will send me somewhere to like a mental help or therapy or to a doctor!! He almost called my friend's dad (the one mentioned above) to ask if her dog scratched me. And asked me if I hurt myself. Of course I laughed that off and called him a noob camper. I dont even know what to do anymore I just dont want him to find out.