[Calaer]

I love Christmas, and this year is no different. It's truly my favorite time of year! I love the smells and the lights, and I love the fact that this time of year, all the family travels to be together. Sadly, this year, I'm slightly anxious about seeing some of my family. I want to go see my Mamaw (My 'mothers' mom) because she is alone now, and most of the time her children forget her on the holidays, but I'm super nervous that Tammy (My birth mother) will show up. I just really don't want that woman around my daughter, nor do I want to have a full on blow up because I tell her to stay away. I always want to respect my Mamaw's wishes, and she loves her children, even if they are horrible to her, and she does want to see them, and wants them to be around, but I have the hardest time not taking up for her when they say rude and hurtful things, or when they great her like garbage for no reason at all.

I'm not really sure what to do, but I'm getting slightly nervous about it. I know that I could always talk to my Mamaw about it before hand, and let her know that I want to be with her during this holiday season, but that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to "bite my tongue" so to speak, towards them being rude and hateful to her, and see what she says. She honestly just might ask me to stay home then, which would truly break my heart. I love my Mamaw, dearly, and I truly don't want her to be alone or mistreated. The Holidays are always hard on her without my Papaw around. He used to take her driving to see the lights, and eat dinner with her, and buy her gifts, and since he is gone, all of these things are simply memories now. These are things that I'd love to do with her, but it's always so hard to get her to come, because she is in hopes that her children will choose to do something with her.

Anyway, I just really needed to get this out. I love this time of year, but all this with my family is starting to weigh me down. I have no idea what to do. Thanks for letting me rant about it. Happy Holidays!!