Hi everyone,
I'm having some trouble with knowing whether i have depression or not...I'm pretty sad most of the time, feeling like none of my "friends" or the people i go to school with actually like me. I'm not exactly uncool, there are people that i know are a lot less popular than me but whether i speak i feel like they're going to judge me, or that i'm being annoying or a scrape, even when they've never said anything about it. sometimes I have a really good chat, and then someone will say something and i'll suddenly just feel like a want to cry but of course i'll try to cover up that feeling and laugh instead, or just leave and go cry by myself. I absolutely love horse riding, that definitely hasn't changed, it's probably got stronger! Rather than hanging out with my friends now at weekends and during the holidays, i just go riding instead and use it as an excuse. I also love hockey and i'm in a really good team but i'm not very confident about it and i always feel like i'm going to let the team down. I've put on some weight in the last year, not drastically but i used to have a lovely skinny body and now i'm a bit podgy. I used to love binge eating and watching series on netflix but a few months ago i decided to stop because it made me feel fat and antisocial. I thought it made me feel happier about myself but i'm not so sure anymore. I'm restless most of the time, i can't just not do anything and i find it really hard to sleep. I can't sleep anymore without reading or going on my laptop or something similar, and when i finally turn them off i just toss and turn. Sometimes i wake up in the night and when i wakeup i'm always so tired, barely be able to get myself out of bed and then i'm tired all day.
Theres no choice for me of taking myself to see someone because people finding out could affect everything more than anyone could understand. Please someone help me know what to do and help me work out whats wrong
thank you