"I'm hungry",

"Well then eat something"

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because food makes me fat"

"That's ridiculous. We were made to eat several times a day, not once every few days"

"I don't care. It still makes me fat"

"U need to eat"

"No thanks I'm not hungry anymore" I lied

That's what I deal with every day. Why can't I just be happy with my body? Why does everything revolve around food? Technically it's impossible to be fat after one meal but I always notice the little changes in my body that brings me down every time. I gain weight every time I eat. So I chose not to. That's why I never tell people I'm hungry anymore. I just can't eat.

"How do your parents notice you not eating?"

"I'm a great lier. I have my ways"

"Chey?"

"Yes?"

"You need to eat something"

"But I can't"

I have conversations with my friends all the time about how much I eat. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of being hungry but not wanting to eat. I'm tired of getting so far behind in school bc I can't stop thinking about my appearance and food.

I made pancakes and cookies earlier with a ton of junk on top. But what did I do with it? I threw it away. I wanted to eat but I couldn't get myself to do it. So I wasted all of it.

Why? Just why? Why do I have to deal with this stupid eating disorder?
God, please tell me to get over it! I can't fight it alone. I really have no good reason to be depressed. When my friends tell me about their problems and what makes them depressed, it makes my problems look stupid so I don't like to talk about it.

I'm just tired of this life!!!