[Celyn]

Firstly, I am really sorry to hear about your grandfathers passing from cancer, and now your friend being diagnosed with cancer too. I do understand where your extreme fear of cancer comes from. I also want to apologise if anything I say comes across as ignorant- I don't know an awful lot about cancer, but I'll try to be sensitive.

I do understand how much of a threat cancer can seem. With no known cause, and no known cure, it is a scary thought, more so if you have known someone suffer with the disease. While it's natural to be concerned about things that are a threat to our health, when it becomes consuming, the fear can seem more disabling at times than the threat itself. Checking your breasts and going to the doctors is a healthy step. You needn't feel like you are wasting their time at all. I may be wrong, but regular checking of the breasts, can lead to earlier appointments and if diagnosed, earlier treatment that may have more of a success rate. I do know that sometimes that's not the case, but you can take some comfort from it.

Breasts being breasts, are never alike and can feel differently during the different stages of the menstrual cycle. Sometimes the odd lump can be nothing more than a harmless cyst. Though it is good to check your breasts so that you can get an understand of what is 'normal' for you.

I think it comes down to finding a balance between checking and looking up things online, and trying to remain calm. While looking online can be reassuring, I do understand that it can also fuel the anxiety too. You aren't alone with this, as many people, me included, worry about cancer of life-changing illnesses. I'm also wondering, are you happy with your life at the moment? I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but when I was at my lowest, I did notice that my fear of illnesses became worse and it also got worse when my dad passed away too.

I think, in the bigger picture of things, we like to think that we have control over our destinies. And so when something like cancer becomes a reality, it makes us realise that we have less control than we thought. I am really sorry to hear about your friend. No-one knows what the future holds, so for the time being, it may be worth thinking of ways you can spend quality time together, rather than worrying about what may or may not happen. At the same time, it's about trying to find the balance too, as it's only natural that you would worry about these things, so if it helps, you can always talk about your fears....getting them out into the open and having someone reassure you can be helpful.