[Haunted]

let's just take a moment and talk, ok?
I have had it, I have reached the point of no return, I cannot stand anyone anymore.
To my father: you can call me stubborn, you can tell me I'm impatient, you can say I'm quick to anger, asocial, too shy. Say whatever the hell you please, that doesn't change who I am, and 'who I am' is a 20-year-old WOMAN, who has gone through depression, self harm, mild suicidal tendencies, and anxiety; a woman who has been living with a chronic illness for 10 years; a woman who has already been to the funeral of one of her closest friends, and has seen nearly every other one disappear soon after; a woman who has had to be strong and support you, because my sister was diagnosed with leukaemia and you couldn't keep it together, and I understood; a woman who has heard you yelling so many times that I'm now scared of you, and you once jokingly claimed I haven't seen what you can do when you are truly angry; a woman who is still struggling with anxiety, but hasn't said a word about it because you don't know what anxiety feels like and you belittle it. You can think whatever you want about me, but that doesn't change who I am, and who I am is someone stronger and better than you in every possible way, because in spite of everything, I'm still going. When I hurt someone, I apologise, because my mental state doesn't excuse my behaviour. If I have to take my stress out on something, I take it out on a piece of paper, not on you. When someone tells me they have a problem, I help them, I don't dismiss them because their problems aren't a big deal. And you probably think I'm weak, that I get too stressed, that I let other people's troubles get to me and destroy me. I am not weak, I know what I can do. If I take other people's burdens is because I know I can hold them, and not once have I shown that I can't. You could go outside and scream. Tell everyone how terrible you think my personality is, I don't care, because I know I can go outside and redeem myself. If I were to go outside and do the same to you, you'd be fucked.
To the strangers, those who like minding my business: I don't care that you think I'm crazy for wanting to leave this country. I don't care that you think not going to university was a bad decision. I don't care that you think I look horrible with blue hair. I just plainly don't care what you think. I don't even care what my parents have to say about my ways, why would I listen to you? It actually disgusts me how self-entitled you all are, how important you think your opinion is and how little mine matters to you. I understand you don't know where I've been, but that is no excuse for treating me like I'm nothing. I'm young, it's true, but how come I am an adult when it comes to finding a job, or taking care of my house, or interacting with people, while I'm only a child when it comes to expressing my opinion?
To my best friend: no, I'm not 'an anxious person', I have anxiety. It disheartens me to know that, after all I've been through, you still don't understand. You were there when I got hospitalised and I thought you knew why. I thought you knew, because I'm sure I've told you. But now when I tell you that driving is scary, you say it's normal, and when I try to explain why what I feel isn't normal, you tell me I need to learn how to rationalise. And when I try to tell you that I cannot stop the thoughts, you tell me I need to learn how to rationalise. And when I try to tell you that I'm scared of phone calls, you say it happens to you too; and now I'm scared of telling you that yes, phone calls are scary, but so are texts, and emails, and talking to people face to face.