[Kate*]

Mom is throw up sick and I'm probably doomed to get it even though I feel fine, my life is permanently destroyed, and my country is fucking screwed. I can't do this, but mostly the vomit thing.

If you say that thoughts are a choice, you're saying emotions are a choice, and that mental illness is therefore also a choice. Fuck off.

You want to know why "it's not getting any better?" It's DEGENERATIVE! Degeneration is in the NAME of the thing for fuck sake!!!! Either you're losing it, or you're not taking responsibility for your care, even to the extent that you can't REMEMBER your own diagnoses/prognoses. I seriously quit.

Everyone says that you have to make something happen. You can't just sit around waiting for a miracle. But where do you even start when you've lost so much, are left with so little, have almost no options through no fault of your own, and no one understands your very real limitations, so they either think you did it to yourself, aren't trying hard enough, or are just somehow stupid? I'm recovered enough that if I knew what to do, I'd be doing it. Until you've walked in my shoes don't judge me. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm more screwed by it than you are.

Why don't I sleep on Tuesdays or Wednesdays? I only go about 5 hours, but I'm wide awake.