[Celyn]

Hey there,

It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot- the depression, anxiety and self-harm. Naturally you may find it difficult to feel good about yourself, and this can be made worse when you are in a relationship and trying to deal with all these things.

You mentioned that you are on medication....do you think it's working for you? If not, is it possible to talk to your doctor/psychiatrist about your medication and perhaps see if they can increase the dosage, or change medications? I'm also wondering if you are in therapy at all, e.g. counselling. Depression and anxiety can be treated with medication, therapy, lifestyle changes or a mixture of these things. If you aren't already in counselling it may be worth looking into as it can help talking about things, and learning ways of coping and dealing with difficult thoughts and emotions.

I have been a similar position to you. When I was 16 and in a relationship, I was overcome by anxiety about my boyfriend preferring other girls over me. It's horrible, I know. What can help is trying to boost your self-esteem....you may not like your body right now, but what about other things about yourself? Your personality, talents and achievements etc. Whatever you do like about yourself, write it down, perhaps on a sticky note and read it every day, especially when you don't feel so good about yourself.

Another thing that can help is challenging your thoughts. Has your boyfriend ever cheated on you? Try to collect evidence that your boyfriend wont cheat on you, when you feel those thoughts coming on. Also, remember that those are just thoughts...it doesn't mean that they are true, as you can't mind read what your boyfriend is thinking.

Try not to compare yourself to other girls either. Your boyfriend has the right to talk to other girls and be friends with them. You can't, and shouldn't, try to stop that. Remember that these girls are just friends or people he talks to...you are his girlfriend and he chose you over them. Also, stop checking his phone, especially if he doesn't know that you do this. Not only is it an invasion of his privacy, but the only purpose checking his phone serves is that you feel worse off. By not checking his phone, you wont have to feel that way. The same goes for finding and messaging the girls on facebook.

I do understand the feelings, the anxiety causing the shaking, crying and sweating. It's horrible. But these are just feelings and you don't have to act on them. Perhaps you can work on communication with your boyfriend...let him know when you are feeling insecure so that he can try to reassure you a bit? It's also good to learn to comfort yourself too, so whenever you feel this way, try to remove yourself from the situation and do things that help to distract you, calm you down, or help you to feel good about yourself. You also need to reassure yourself that whatever happens, you'll get through it. Even though you are in a relationship, which is two people coming together, don't forget that you are your own person too...spend time doing things you enjoy and being with your own friends. It does take practice but it can help. I also recommend counselling as it can be very effective of these types of issues.

Hope things improve for you