Hello Skye
Welcome to
TH
I'm not an expert, but from what you say I get the feeling that it might be best to talk to your doctor about this. I mean, you said you are on meds, so maybe they can also help you with this (to refering to meds, but maybe talking to a professional or something can be helpful)
Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Like, told him why you do this and that you know it's wrong but that you can't help yourself? It's not gonna change what is happening or happened already, but it might help him understand you a bit better. Communication is key, in any relationship and especially if one or the other is insecure, has anxiety, etc.
I'm not sure but maybe you can finde something to make things easier on the both of you. If you work together and are both ready for some compromisses I'm sure you can work something out!
Feel free to keep us updated or ask any questions you want
Another thing I want to do is refer you to the
Alternetives for SH-Threat. There's a lot of different things you can do to deal with your feelings in other ways than harming yourself.
Not all of them work for everyone and it can take some time to finde something for you, but it's worth taking a look there