[Kate*]

You tried to compare my stress to hers to guilt-trip me for acting "worse than the kids" WHAT THE FUCK?! I felt guilty enough, but I was NOT worse than the kids. She may work 10 hour days, and that's not my fault, she may be able to handle stress better than I am, but she's probably under less given the way you treated me and she wasn't exactly innocent or hiding it well. And NEWSFLASH: we're NOT the same person! But of course, she can have my dream job because everyone can have it except me and then treat me however the fuck they want and get away with it because those people protect the shit out of each other. That's not even close to the worst thing you said or did, but somehow I'M the one who's going to cause emotional damage to other human beings. It will never make sense to me.

Sometimes excuses are excuses and sometimes they're LEGITIMATE ISSUES. Learn the difference before accusing people of making them unnecessarily to deal with a situation you've never experienced.

Multiple people have always felt the need to defend me, across every person like that, in every context it's ever happened in. Maybe that's a clue, because I never ask them to do it. "Stop defending yourself" my ass. Stop giving me every reason in the world to defend myself and I'll stop doing it. I was the mature adult, I extended the olive branch and you broke me with it and were protected to the ends of the earth. The only thing I ever demanded was to be treated like a human being. "You can't change the system" How the fuck did it end up like that in the first place and WHY NOT? They deserve a crash course in humanity more than I do.

Back to considering that, but there's no jobs with a lack of experience and any job I try to get I'll end up fired from. The goal may play to my strengths, but if the road there doesn't, I'll never make it. And if my heart's not in it, it's not worth it. This is NOT fun.

Why do my interests and abilities have to be polar opposites?! Why can't I just be like everyone else and do what I've always dreamed of doing? Why was I the only one to ever end up screwed this badly? I can't help but think that that had something to do with it. I know it didn't help, but there were issues long enough before that that it probably wasn't the only thing.

I'd make less at the top of that than I would've made at the bottom of what I really wanted. Who's fault is that?!