[Kate*]

All I can say is thank God that doesn't have to be done today. I really don't think I could.

I think part of me will always wish I could tell you that, but I never will. It's never been my business.

The few hour break was nice. Too bad it never lasts.

I wonder a lot now if calling it abuse was as wrong as you said. Then I realize how much it messed me up and remember that you bragged about how much better you knew. It was wrong either way, denial doesn't change the term for it or the severity. I also wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that, or the way it ended. I mean, the problems were happening long before I wore out enough to start telling you what I really thought. I probably shouldn't have said it, but you also should've handled it better. I still can't tell if my reputation is shot, though. Supposedly it's not, but I can't trust anyone anymore, and the only one I know is willing to respond is him, but that may only be because he feels bad or something.

Why? It's never going to happen. Why do I still want it and why does this still haunt me so much?

I want to go to this and see her, but I don't want to have to listen to everybody tell stories and talk about how amazing their dream jobs are while they interrogate me about what I'm (not) doing and how my life is still this much of a mess after almost 2 years.

I want to tell you, but I don't want to annoy you and I'm afraid if I tell you too much, I'll end up disappointed because I'll stop getting any response at all.