[contaigous-misery]

thank you for replying, will try using that idea thank you,

its hard because the relationship is very 50/50 there both abusive to eachother and you never know the truth unless your the fly on the wall, and to be honest i have no respect for her, she kicked in my gate and back door and punched my brother in the face one time while he had my nephew in his arms,
im more worried about my brother being angry at me, i just dont know how to deal with this stuff, nobody says this is what to do, when someone rings claiming dv, and what to say instead if you cant ring police, but yer its hard and i know i might sound bad not having sympathy for her,
but the truth is the only person i really care about is my nephew, they are adults making this choice to be together even though they know it always ends this way. i just dont understand what else i was supposed to do, and i cant stand not knowing worrying, if hes home, if hes someonewhere safe, will he get to see his son,(unfortunately everytime they argue she uses my nephew as a weapon), is he angry at me, is it forgiveable me saying to ring police, i just didnt know what to do and cant get it off my mind.

i do see a counsellor but shes not the best, im not really restricting my food ive just never been a big eater, but i dont know i just hate looking at myself, and i know the weight gain is most likely from my alcohol addiction, but it doesnt stop you wanting to look down and see a flat stomach instead of a bloated one with rolls forming.
i just dont know my head is a mess there is a million things for me to do, and i cant seem to get any motivation to even want to be awake.

suppose to be going to england in october and still have everything to do for that, my doctor wants me to detox before i go, but i have no1 to look after my cats and i feel like a waste of resources when im already thinking of my first bit of weed when i get back.