[contaigous-misery]

i had no idea where to put the thread so can be moved if needed,

so been really struggling this weekend not sleeping, craving to self-harm so bad my skin itches, ashamed of my addictions,
the depression cycles are shorter and now i seem to be depressed more times then not, every night i dont self-harm i should feel good but i dont my self-harm is not as bad as it useto be where is was weekly or every day, now i only slip up every few months although its on my mind most day, i usally resist by delaying it saying ater, having a joint first, making myself have to do things before im allowed really trying to hold onto any excuse but in the morning i feel no better i feel pathetic for not giving in like i dont have the balls to hurt myself, my brothers gf rang the othernight in tears they were arguing, i could hear them both screaming down the phone its a dv relationship i had no idea what to say or do, and she expected me to be able to something like when i said what can i do shes like his your brother.... but that doesnt change the fact i dont drive no licence and no car. and i cant expect friends to do it, so i said do what you have to do even if you have to ring the police to us sane people that makes sense, but i know my brother will see it as im agaainst him and im scared they will take it offensive and be angry at me and cut me off from my nephew, i cant stop thinking stressing i said the wrong thing and messed up, iasked my friend what to dow hile i was on the phone and tried to hand phone to him, but he wouldnt grab it, he said telling her to ring the police was a silly idea too but i didnt know what else to do, and im sorta angry at them all for putting me in this position... depression so bad slack in hygiene whats the point nobody to look good for and seeing my scars trigger me it makes me want to add more, cause its not like i can ever get rid of the ones already, there then i start realising ive gained weight and i only eat like 1 meal a day so i cant diet, and i think it has to do with alcohol which im addicted to and i just hate all this,i hate my first thought is weed and alcohol and its my last, sleep is my only break when i dont have nightmares,