[Kate*]

Rejected again, fucking awesome. Throwing in the towel sounds AMAZING right now.

"You're obviously smart. You have options "

Thanks, but it's the kind of smart I can't use, so I may as well not have it, the options you claim I have don't really exist, and I invested so much there that there's hardly anything left to pursue something else (which of course doesn't exist in the first place.)

"It's possible, ...but it will be harder than most" Exactly, and we have fewer resources than most too. All the more reason not to bother.

And now it's haunting me too. I would ask how anyone else survives this, but there is no one else. I'm the only one destined for the hell that is now my life. I want to tell you this, but there's nothing you can do. Maybe I just want to guilt trip you for playing any role and then having the ability to walk away. Maybe I'm hoping against hope that you'll offer me some solace, but I'm not entitled to your empathy anymore. I want relief that's not coming, from a struggle that will never end. I don't know how long I can do this for. Save me.

I worked my ass off to suffer, struggle, fail, and die. That was real worth it. I quit.

Not only do I not get to have the life I dreamed of for so long and worked so damn hard for, I don't get to have one at all.

Accepting a worthless waste of a life is a very interesting process.

You say creepy, I say prophetic.