[Kate*]

There's still a part of me that needs to know how much of it was really my fault, how much of it was theirs, and how much was just fate.

You know what I want more than anything and what I'm capable of. Just let me have what I deserve for once and stop what I wish it had been from haunting me.

If I were actually capable of anything this wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not, so I get to never have a life, fun fun. I wanted to contact you before school started as not to annoy you, but oh well. I'll wait a few more weeks then.

I feel so weird, this needs to go away.

My heart aches for it, and so I am haunted.

10 minutes ago I was actually okay, now I'm in tears.

I'm haunted again. What do you do when you can't let go of the only thing you ever wanted that you know will never happen and the best way to do that won't work on you because you're the exception to everything?! If I reached out again and it failed again, I don't know if I could handle that. If I don't, I don't know how long I can hold on. I HATE dumping it all on her like that, but right now she's my only option. I feel like I'm taking advantage of the friendship because I'm so fucked up right now, and then it's one more thing to beat myself up over.

All I want is a functional life,that I won't hate. I don't understand why that has to be so fucking hard!!!