An experience of self harm
By Jessie (Ailurophile)
Living with self harm can be hard and that's something that I can personally relate too. However, we can learn ways to manage self harm and to manage the feelings beneath the self harm itself. Hope can stay alive as long as we keep fighting.
When I was nine, I started self harming. Honestly, I don't know what the first thought in my head to do it was but I do remember it well and it's a scary thought
to thinkthat I'm now nearly twenty two and I still self harm. Never has it been easy. I know a lot of people have said to me that the easy way out would be to not self harm, but that's not the case. I've wanted self harm but at time it's been hard to do so because of feelings of guilt, not wanting to let people down and so on. For me it has led to twelve hospitalizations, needing medical care such as stitches and surgery and has even left me physically unwell due to blood loss to the point of passing out, being sick and having a fit like experience. However, the harder part of it for me is the constant battle in my head. The thoughts that I don't want to keep doing it but I need it so do I or don't I?
For me, it all started from my background. I had a lot of things going on for me when I was younger which
professionals believe lad to me having[Jenny: I think there is typo here, and I'm not quite sure what you mean.] Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as well as other disorders such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and these are things I still struggle with today. I know a lot about my disorders but understanding them from my point of view is hard and I've come across many people who can relate to that.
My longest stay was two and a half years in a unit a long way away from home, which was for women with borderline personality disorder but in my individual therapy, I focused on self harm. I thought when I became discharged, that I would never self harm again but I was completely wrong. Since I have needed stitches and staples a numerous amount of times, a referral to a burns unit, have had to have surgery and have also had three hospital admissions to acute wards since. Now I realise that self harm isn't just something that can go away for me, or anyone even but is something I still need to learn to manage and deal with in an appropriate way. Health care professionals have asked me to stop completely, while others have asked me to
getreduce the risk of
myselfmy self-harm
lower but the truth is, it isn't an easy fight. It's hard and
it's a constant battle.
There is hope. I know so many people who are years free of self harm and one day I hope to be one of those people and if you also self harm, then I hope one day you will be one of those people too. And if you are one of those people, then good on you, keep fighting and never be alone because you have come so far to give up now. Recovery isn't easy at all but it can be well worth it. However, you have to be ready to stop self harming and ready to get better. If you don't want to then you won't. If you do want to, then you can and you will.
Having people support you can be so beneficial. Just having someone to talk to and listen to you can release a lot of intense emotions. Using distractions, I think, is vital. As long as you're distracting yourself then you are keeping busy.
[Jenny: Maybe link the distractions for self-harm here?] Also learning new skills to help you manage the urges to harm yourself can be incredibly helpful. Therapies can teach you skills, such as DBT, CBT and CAT.
[Jenny: Maybe give a brief overview of these different therapies.]
Just know that you are never alone and hope is alive. Don't let anyone or anything get in your way of recovering from self harm, if you want to recover. Keep fighting for your life and never give in
.