[Forging Galaxies]

I shouldn't post in this thread but... it might as well be my last post.
I find myself lying everyday, lying to myself and my family with fake hapiness. I am truly broken, no matter how much I write or begin to bring my body and its muscles to its true damn definition to, there is no fixing this.
Then that's how it gonna start, this illness that turns people cruel over the feeling of powerlessness. The anger, the rage, the monster that dwells within... born from the mix of loss and pain.
If I can't kill myself (its hard when there's a 1:25 ratio of success, so i rather not end up paralyzed/ Especially when there's no handgun in this country...), then I'm bound to become it? There's no saving me, and I feel sick at the thought of living life in further pain, in further powerlessness. My soul is dying, but my body lives on with absolute suffering and a hatred for myself that'll never die on its own.