[Kate*]

Based on the way my stomach feels I'll be up sick in extreme pain later and there's no way to prevent it; I can only take the edge off.

And I was right. So now that I'm awake, there's this: I keep going back to that, but my chances are almost zero and if my go-to recommendation is against the idea, it'll never happen. I don't want to beg or have this happen again because he knows something I don't and I'm barely surviving this time. That's an option, but anything requiring prac/human contact scares me now. He suggested that, but it sounds so boring I don't think that'll work either. I was hoping that there was an option I didn't know about, but I can't seem to find any. And no, that won't work because it doesn't work for anyone else and I want SO MUCH more for myself than manager in fast food. So, I'm back to one of my original options. Maybe the other concentration will combine strengths while avoiding weaknesses, but there's math involved. At least the first one would take something from what I already have, but 2 would be the most I could hope for and I'd have to do it soon to even have those accepted.

I feel sick and like I've gained even more weight. Awesome. I'll eventually have to figure out my life and lose it, but that's all too much right now. And this is me in good shape.