Hi so; i think I have anxiety and I've always been super nervous about random stuff, but one of the things that I hate the most is how uncomfortable I feel about dating. like I dated a girl in high school but it was for just like 3 weeks? maybe less I don't remember. it was horrible I was so nervous around her all the time
but the thing is now I'm pretty sure I'm gay and that actually makes thing so much worse. like I just feel like I don't belong, I feel like gay guys must have like this whole like subculture I don't know about, I don't know if that makes sense, but I just feel very stupid. like idk I feel like a poser or something. I went to pride this summer and it was like awesome and idk, I almost felt like I belonged but I went with my friends so maybe it was just nice to be with them, I don't know. there was still like their weird nagging feeling that I was like different or stupid. and like most of my friends are girls so like I even get nervous just being around guys, I'm short so it makes me feel awkward, I almost feel like a girl or like something else it feels so weird.
I've talked with guys who had like crushes on me and I think I might have been on like sort of dates? I don't know but it was always very uncomfortable for me. I almost never get crushes back on people, like even if I think they're pretty or whatever like idk. it's just weird and I feel like the way I think about things is wrong. like I want to be able to love someone but I just feel broken
like I love the idea so much of like being in love with someone and dating them and like being able to be comfortable around someone but like, I just have problems with people touching me a lot of the time like even touching my arms can make my skin crawl, I think this mostly happens with girls but idk. I think I might just not like long hair touching me but that's beside the point
and I think what might be the worst part is that I'm in college now, like I'm about to start my second year so I feel like at this age it's like normal to do sexual things with romantic partners but like, god idk even the thought of it makes me so uncomfortable. like I'm pretty sure I'm not asexual, like in my head I can imagine being in a sexual relationship but like I just feel like because I have never done anything like that before I just feel so stupid, like who would want to date me and put up with how stupid I am about these things. I don't know
sorry most of this is me rambling but like, is this normal? like to feel so uncomfortable and out of place? I feel like it's not and I don't know what to do
like I feel like I'm so dumb about dating stuff that no one would want to waste their time with me when there are prettier and nicer and better less awkward people, like I just feel bad like I would be wasting their time
like I feel so lonely I want to like be loved and love someone but I just. I don't know
I'll have to come back and edit this it makes no sense I'm sorry. I hope this is in the right section i didn't know if it should be in
lgbt or dating