[Kate*]

The cat is likely headed for another near (if not actual) death experience and with everything else it's too much. Help isn't an option because I've been screwed multiple times on both sides of the couch (get your mind out of the gutter, you know what I mean). I might be heading for my second panic attack, and I can't do this. There is literally no way out and as much as I don't want to bother applying to a job I won't get for lack of experience, I can't afford to keep avoiding, turning down, or cancelling these. Is it better to try until you've failed so many times you give up, or just not bother?

I hope you're happy and don't regret your decision because it destroyed me worse than I thought it would and you get to move on like I never existed. This was my worst nightmare for a reason.

Actually, the closer you look at it the more DIFFERENCES there are. You don't decide what my diagnosis is, I do. And until it's recognized, I'll be the only one who does only because the professionals can't

Still don't want to do this. I'd rather spend the time looking for a therapist which should tell you how bad this is. Looks like I'm not going after all, at least it wasn't an actual interview I blew off this time. When they start with "we have a lot of people" and "you should get in here as soon as possible" when you tell her you can't come right this second, then realize they "prefer" experience that means it won't be worth it anyway because I wouldn't have gotten it. Yes I realize this time I screwed myself over and believe me, I hate myself for it. But again, had no chance due to the fucking disability so it would've been wasted effort. The other one I blew off was after my due diligence raised suspicion. Therapy it is.