[Kate*]

Disability changes things. My life didn't fall apart because I expected it to; it fell apart because of my disability and I learned to expect it to because that's what kept happening. There's a big difference there. What if I try it your way and it still doesn't work? Are you going to say I self-imposed that too?

Did I blow the amazing opportunity you gave me, or was it never the plan? And if it wasn't the plan, then why did it happen the way it did? Why not me too?

I know I can't rely on you to make me okay. At the same time, if you suggested I try that again, I'd probably do it, but my trust is shot and I'm afraid it will backfire and make it even worse. I need someone to tell me it's okay. I know it shouldn't be you, but I wish it was.

Why do I want to tell you that? So you won't bother to, or at least understand, when you suggest it? Because I want what I know you can't give me, or just because I don't want to let go of you with the rest of it. Maybe I'm that far out of options, or I think you'll understand, I don't know. And, yes, I realize I'm over thinking and making it weird. Can you really help, and if you could, would you? UGH