[Kate*]

Mental illness and disability are not excuses, happiness isn't (always) a choice. Yes, I've "had enough" hence the suicidal ideation (which for the record is NEVER a choice.) Thanks for the blame and the guilt trip through. It totally helped to know that my misery is my own fault and would evaporate if I just made a decision. WHEN are people going to get this through their heads?! It's an explanation, not an excuse and all the positive thinking in the world won't make it disappear. You wouldn't tell someone with a chronic illness in a place other than their brain that "illness is a choice; just choose not to be sick." Don't say it to me because my illness is in my brain.

Just when I feel like I can say I'm starting to feel better and okay without jinxing it, the cat has a fucking STROKE. We thought he was actually dying for God's sake it scared me half to DEATH. I really hope he's okay now and it doesn't happen again. That was one of the scariest moments of my LIFE, but he seems okay now.

I finally have a good day after all of that and I can't enjoy it because I know the crash is coming and I'm afraid for my poor fur baby.

Apparently I can either have about one day of peace every 6 months, or I can function and have a life, but not both. Sometimes I still want to go back and then I remember that they were laying the groundwork for this and I don't want to be where I was less than not wanted, but damaged by the last people on Earth I expected to inflict it while they blamed it on me. Still wish it wasn't such a waste though.

And slapped in the face and slipping again. Awesome!

My dream turned into a nightmare and completely ruined my life and broke me. I get to suffer with this shit for the rest of my life, and you get to go on like I never existed.

I don't know what you're doing, but I was trying to sleep.