Quote:
Originally Posted by Always *
I think that your approach sounds quite reasonable; you want to wait to have sex until you're no longer in high school because, let's face it, adults (even if they're only 18 as of 2 months ago) have a lot more avenues with out facing stigma in which to make their parenting choices (or the choice to not parent, in terms of abortion or adoption). But, just to be clear, speaking as someone who's in my early/mid 20's, having a baby right now wouldn't be a whole lot better than it would have been when I was 16 or 17. I don't have financial security, which means it would be very difficult for my boyfriend and I to provide for a child, the main thing we have going for us is our education (both of us are university grads) and that he has a higher paying job. But, really, one thing you'll come to learn is that there is never really a perfect time to have a baby and, most of the time, the risk of pregnancy is less of a concern when compared to the benefits of an act that allows many couples to feel closer and to feel pleasure. In addition, you can both be tested for STI's and be monogamous (so you don't have to worry about him being with someone else with an STI) so that will cover that base. I'm not trying to pressure you to have sex, it sounds like you're making a responsible and best choice for you. I just think that at 18-20 (or even 20+ if you attend uni), most peoples lives are in a weird limbo of going to college or trying to establish well paying jobs, and this can last well into you're mid-20's and, while it's easier to "make do" if things do happen (e.g. adults are more likely to be in a long-term relationship, and therefore might have more money for a baby etc) it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be better off being pregnant, especially in college. In my country, there are many social programs to help parents, especially young parents, finish their education but that can still be a stretch there and even more so if you live in the States or another country where education is really expensive; a baby could understandably completely derail your future.
Any how, that's my 2 cents. Seriously though, stick to your guns. It's ok to change your mind if want to, but when the time is right, you should definitely tell him where you're at. Yes, he might be disappointed if he was really excited to have sex, and those feelings are ok, but if he's a respectful guy, he'll also respect that that's your choice and keep it in his pants so to say. Also, if your main concern is preventing pregnancy, you can always do *other* things if you catch my drift (some users are young here so I won't get into the details).
Finally, just so you know, condoms are 96 to 97% effective when used right, and things like the pill, IUD and Nuva Ring are 98% effective, so when you use both, the chance of getting pregnant is super slim. Again, I'm not trying to change your mind, but if you're thinking about it, you can always go in well prepared with contraceptives, STI testing and so on and know that the risk is quite low.
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Thank you for your reply
I totally see what you mean about how having an accidental kid at any time in one's life is kinda sucky, and I agree- I guess what I mean is that something of that nature happening wouldn't be AS sucky if you've at least finished your basic education, if you get what I mean, but yeah, I totally see where you'e coming from.
When it comes to the potential benefits of sex, of course I see them and appreciate them, and some day I have no doubt that the risks will be worth taking with the appropriate safety measures in place, but for now I'm not that desperate to lose my virginity, since I've got my whole life ahead of me for that stuff but I might not get another chance at my education knowing my family's attitude. (I just realised I might be sounding really argumentative, I don't mean to, I genuinely appreciate your response!!)
The pill is another reason why I'm hesitant- my parents really don't want me to start having sex, and therefore don't want me to start taking the pill because they're afraid I'll just go around humping everyone if I think I can get away with it (I'm obviously exaggerating slightly here xD), but if I had easier access to the pill, it's true that I would probably be less afraid of having sex.