[rileyk]

so i definitely wasn't sure where to go with this question. i spent a lot of time looking it up but i couldn't find my answer anywhere, and i figured instead of intruding on a parenting/new mom forum, i'd try here.

this post is gonna get a bit tmi/nsfw, just so we're all on the same page here.

i try to masturbate every night or almost every night, right before i go to bed. i think it's fun, it helps me sleep, and i didn't feel like i was overdoing it. however, i am one of those lucky and blessed individuals who tends to take, on average, 70-80 minutes to come, so i definitely have been concerned that the amount of time it takes me has been inadvertently rubbing me raw.

this morning after i woke up, i looked on my fingers and they had dried brown and black blood on them. not like COATED, but a decent amount. i immediately went to the bathroom and wiped and some more dried brown blood came off, but not a lot. i'm worried it could be implantation bleeding. i looked up pictures on google and it didn't look very similar, but considering the blood had 8 hours to dry, i'm not surprised.

i feel like the risk of me ACTUALLY being pregnant is pretty low. i'm on the pill, i take it consistently every day, i skip all the placebo pills so i don't get a period, and my fiancé and i still try to make a point of pulling out so he's never actually come in me. however, we're in a long distance relationship (i go to college 5 hours away) so every time we DO see each other, i kind of freak out afterwards about whether or not i'm pregnant - i am a very paranoid person. i went home for a short period of time and we had sex 8 and 10 days ago, so well within the range for implantation bleeding.

i'm just very scared of what to do if i AM pregnant. i'm disabled, i can't work, and i'm trying to get myself through college. neither my fiancé or i want children, nor are we able to afford children or provide the adequate care. we are both victims of parental abuse and have ptsd from it, which is a big part of why we'd rather not raise a family. the closest abortion center is four hours away, and i have no idea how to get all the way out there or afford the procedure if i am pregnant.

this is probably just me making a big deal out of nothing, but i looked it up and i couldn't find ANYTHING about being rubbed raw by female masturbation, much less to the point of bleeding. i would appreciate some help here. thank you