Siobhan,
This breaks my heart. I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. I cannot imagine how much pain you're feeling after such a traumatic event and then compounded by your peers. I wish I had something useful to say. All I can say is you're not alone and do what you can to express yourself. You're not alone and I know it can be hard to see outside this timeframe or beyond the 4 walls of your school when kids bully you, but know that this is not going to last. You will go out into the world and find people who respect you, you care about you. You have so much courage to have came here and shared this. I hope you can find something helpful here. I won't rant about my own situation but all I can say is I can relate to this and I don't know how I survived, i didn have Teenhelp that time but I did survive somehow and you're going to get through this too. We are here tight behind you.
Practical advice, I'm trying to think. Can you go back to the pastor and explain the situation? If not then a school counselor, or anyone who will start making consequences for their actions besides just talking to them becsuse that hadnt worked so far. . Msybe if thry had interactive material or reading a story about it or if a speaker came. There is a serious deficiency in compassion in your school. It is so sad, just seeing this from where I'm standing. Keep telling yourself that not all people will be that way. It is not your fault. You didn't choose to be raped or to get flashbacks or any of this.
I wish I can sit with you and be there physically and I'm sorry I can't.
Is there any group of kids you can stick to for support? When I was bullied at school there were times that I had a friend and that made such a difference in how I coped. We had assigned seats so I was around the kids who bullied me but she would tell me there's an empty seat on the other side of the classroom and that I should join her and that helped so much. Even when the teacher saw I changed seats she was luckily ok with it. I know it isn't much becsuse that friend was more of just a friendly classmate who stuck up for me but we werent otherwise close but having even one person around who is supportive can help so if there is someone like that stay around them for as long as you can even just chatting about silly things to pass time.
If physically you cannot create a safe space, if there's no place to go and no safe person to be around while at school, creating a mental space can be something you carry around with you in your mind. With practice the viduslixation gets easier. Try to imagine a space that is supportive, warm, and filled with comforting things. For example some people take consoling in nature. They may imagine the beach, the sand, the salty air, the bridge, sandcastles, etc. In addition if a person has a niece or nephew, they can add that to the beach scenery. Playing Frisbee on the beach with their favorite niece or nephew. Or taking a walk through the parks with their dog. Anyone or anything that feels safe is welcomed, living or passed or anything, it is all up to you. This can be a happy memory that has happened or something you'd like to do in the future.
For me, my safe space is a purple garden (the color purple makes me feel safe) I change up the space each time. Once I added a swing because that's what I was in the mood for.
Another time a lake and a boat.
Sometimes I'm pretending to do different things. Mountain climbing, sitting high up in a tree, camping in the deep forest. Sometimes I'm pretending to have unusual experiences, such as being a 1 inch tall person and how my perspective changes based on that.
These are the things I do for comfort when I'm filled with anxiety, I see it as a kind of playful activity, no right or wrong. I hope sharing this helps a little. I know it can be hard though. If at all possible, speaking to a professional about all this you're going through may help too.
Do your best to take care of yourself. Ask yourself what you need right now, when you're having a panic attack. If you need water or to just be alone and cry, allow yourself to have these things. If there is no one to talk to, write it on a piece of paper. Sometimes writing can be your best friend. But if you end up wanting yo share it, feel free to some here and post more.
Take care of yourself and keep updating.
