[Stagger]

I've been suffering from depression these last two years. It started when I graduated high-school, it became worse after getting a full-time job that was stressful. I almost commit suicide but after confessing this to someone they convinced me to quit the job instead of killing myself.

I was unemployed for about two weeks before accepting another job. This position has been better for me: with less hours, fun coworkers, and a better pay. I'm grateful but also still struggle with the depression. I feel miserable almost all of the time and the extreme fatigue I'm experiencing makes it hard for me to keep up at work.

I have called out so much that my employers are starting to suspect something is up and I imagine others have said I'm unreliable. I feel ashamed and the more I call out the worse I feel about myself. I know that I can't make up excuses for my behavior and it isn't fair to my coworkers.

I've just been having a hard time coping with how I feel. I look around and see the people I went to high-school with going to universities, joining activist groups, creating families, starting a band, etc. I feel unaccomplished and no matter how much I ask the question, I can't seem to find what I want to do.

For a while, shopping alleviated the pain so I spent hundreds of dollars on useless stuff like clothing and technology. I've been trying new hobbies like sewing and drawing but nothing seems to stick and each time I give up I beat myself up more.

I know this post is long so I appreciate anyone who reads it. If anyone has some advice I'd love to hear it.


Thank you