[NeonFire]

Ok....so a very VERY close friend of mine (I think of him as a brother, lets call him E) recently was 'contemplating suicide' (turns out he was lying about it) ....and I freaked the fuck out and I relapsed, I took a glass shard to school and continued to make tiny cuts in my arm through out the day. (Sorry this is all over the place, currently having a mini anxiety attack) but after school I had a HUGE anxiety/panic attack, it got so bad that it got to the point where an ambulance was called and I had to be held down by three or four people - please note most of this is going off of what people said to me, as most of it is blacked out for me - and I was hospitalized for 27 hours. I went back to school today and apparently rumors are going around about 'The drugged out chick' or 'The girl who freaked out after school' ....I (according to security) was attempting to bite myself (which I did, and I drew blood) and to 'inflict further damage to myself'... I just...don't...know what to do...even my boyfriend (lets call him J) got dragged into this as I was screaming "PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME, I NEED TO TELL [insert name] I'M SORRY" then proceeded to scream his name... and to make it worse, he was trying to get to me when the main incident took place, and was being held back by security....I'm sorry this was all over the place....but I really needed to vent somewhere that no one knows who I really am...I just....I...don't....know what to do...J says he's cool with it, but he's getting called names (that he hasn't specified what those names are) and I feel awful for it... I feel like its E's fault..because most of this mess was started by him...


E- fake suicidal thoughts-> me hurting myself-> suffocating anxiety throughout day because of damage -> freaking out and telling J to 'fuck off' -> J leaving -> me freaking out because the anxiety made me go off on J -> me having a major breaking down -> apocalyptic anxiety attack

I want to trust E...but he's lied about so much...(I haven't included other events where he has lied)... But...I can't tell what's real and what's attention seeking...and I love him like he's family...but it's unacceptable for him to lie just for attention...and neither me or J want to coddle him, because that's not the kind of people we are, we both have trust issues, so E is on very thin ice...and I probably sound like a bitch...but...I don't know if I should trust him...

Wow it feels great to vent a bit...once again sorry this was all over the place...but please, give me any advice about anything I've said about the whole thing....I just need someone to tell me what they think about the situation...Thanks...