[MyVisionIsDying]

When I said I was going to shoot you a message to see how you're doing it was a half lie, because the thought would rise and tick constantly for me to actually do it but then I'd forget again.

Sorry I didn't tell you that I still talk to one of our friends. Sorry that I didn't tell you that we get each other, that we relate to each other more and I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I consider her my best friend more now because I didn't want to upset you or anything. But in a way I'm glad.

In fact, I'm glad I didn't tell you that I'm still a fucked up person because you'd probably go off on one about how I need to get help still- I have a therapist, I'm trying to get better but I didn't want to tell you that I think I'm getting worse.

And I'm happy for you about your big life decision, it's going to be a great experience, I believe you on that one. But a big part of me is screaming inside, trying to get out and warn you that it's not going to be good if the worst happens- which considering this day and age, might not be far off. I don't know if you know what our government is like and if you get into the sort of stuff then I don't want to lose you or have you lose a part of yourself and have to go through a lot of shit because of it. I don't want you to be rendered to someone you're not, I don't want you to be incapable of hardly living through the day without problems seeping in. Don't become someone like me, please be careful when you make that actual leap.