Nope it doesn't sound crazy-I am going through the exact same thing and have talked to dozens of others with it as well. So, let me try to help.
First of all, some people use OCD as an excuse to hide or push away their gay feelings. Whatever you do, don't do that, as that's only going to make you more miserable. I recommend seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist to determine if it is possible you medically have OCD. Or you can self diagnose yourself by looking at symptoms. Questioning your sexual or gender identity is one, forcing yourself to do research on them is another. I suggest googling "HOCD" and looking at the symptoms to determine how similar in a situation. The defining characteristic of OCD is, however, the tics called "complusions"-where you have to turn the lights on and off three times when you leave the room or walk around in a circle whenever somebody says the word "pineapple" (that is an actual example unfortunately
). Now, you don't have to have the tics to have HOCD, but having them makes the latter situation more likely.
Now, really, I see there are 2 reasons you are stressing about it:
A. You thought you were straight all your life, so having these constant thoughts alienates you because there is literally no way. Or,
B. These thoughts make too much sense and you are using OCD to deny your true feelings (which is something I did-it is a natural response).
However, I would assume, because you have a boyfriend that you care romantically for, that you would be the first group, but only you can decide that.
Remember the difference between sexual or romantic orientation. Whether you are straight, gay, bi, or ace depends on who you want to have sex with. If you picture yourself having sex with another women, how would you feel? If it sounds disgusting, you are definently not gay and probably not bi. Also, remember, being feminine or butch has nothing to do with sexual orientation and are just stereotypes. Romantic orientation is who you would feel comfortable dating, and is closely correlated with sexual orientation but not quite the same. Would you feel comfortable dating a women? If so, you MIGHT be bi, but the way you describe it, it is highly unlikely.
BUT do not stress about the labels or labeling yourself as gay, bi, or straight. Most importantly, do whatever you feel comfortable with. If you really do not want to be bi, don't force yourself to be.
Now, HOCD can force you to start having sex dreams about women or force you to stare at other women and maybe even force you to get aroused. Remember this means nothing (unless you don't have HOCD), and is just your brain playing tricks on you.
Not to scare you, but there is a rare chance your HOCD reveals true feelings, like for me. But for you, it seems once again highly unlikely, but only you can decide that.
To cure HOCD, I still recommended seeing a psychologist or counseler (or both) to help you through this and to maybe prescribe medication, if it is financially possible, of course. Another thing that helps is to simply accept the fact the you might be bisexual and move on. I also recommend reading bisexual coming out stories online to see if you find anything in common, but remember DO NOT OBSESS. I know that is going to be hard, but constantly reading up online and reading forums like this might only stress yourself out more. I suggest limiting yourself to twice a week you can go online for stuff like this.
I am obviously no doctor, but I know what your going through. If you need anything, just ask. And sorry for the long post btw. I wish you good luck and remember you are going to get through this.
