[Kate*]

Not TH related

That is supposed to be a "support" group, and I don't even feel safe sharing any more of my own stuff because I don't need to be told that you "had to restart my entire life on a much smaller scale and it was hard and it's still hard every day." (I'm suicidal over this, I can't handle hard right now, and I certainly can't admit that to you) or be made to feel guilty for having my time wasted because I was called in to interview for a job I wasn't qualified for, and told that "yeeahh, that's not really how (the job market, I guess?) you do it." when that's EXACTLY what you fucking do it when you're in my shoes and desperate, or have solutions suggested to me that I already know won't work because I tried them, and made to feel lazy for not "trying" or resisting them; or being discussed behind my back on my own post about how I don't "seem ready" for "steps" that aren't even a fucking option! When only I, or a qualified professional (which you are NOT), would be able to gauge, and not over the internet. Then I ask for help in doing what was suggested several times, and am told "You won't find a good professional who takes Medicaid." You know what? If I didn't need one who took Medicaid, I probably wouldn't need one at all, and it became clear VERY quickly that I knew A LOT more than any of you, making that post a waste of my time.

I want advice about whether this is even worth exploring further or if I'm at serious risk of the same thing happening again, and this would probably be the best place to bring it up, but I can't. Now you're correcting her for the way she chooses to speak about her own experience of her own disorder. Are you fucking kidding me?! And bonus, when I mentioned this discomfort to you, I was told to "breathe" and your behavior was defended and excused. So much for "support" I've only been there a few months and I'm already considering running for the hills. I will continue to advise in comments on other people's posts, and give much better advice and help than I've gotten, but I've deleted most of my own without responses, and the fear of judgement that keeps me from posting is very real. I'm trying it again against my better judgement out of desperation, and taking everything with a grain of salt. And... Regretting it because I was told that I have to "help yourself" because I haven't tried vocational rehab (which almost every person who has, has complained that it's a waste of time.) And why can't I vent, but everyone else can?! They get "We can relate" type posts, I get "You have to help yourself, you're not really trying" type posts. This is why I don't ask for help people, because this shit happens every fucking time. I stopped notifications and probably won't get any more help because I went off on someone who told me I wasn't trying when she has no clue, and was talking out of both sides of her mouth. I'm pretty sure I'm giving up on this, but I "tried." Plus, I'm giving A LOT better than I'm getting; part of me is thinking that if the help I get in return is borderline insulting, then you don't deserve to have me help you. I don't have to defend anything I say or do. Especially to strangers on the Internet.

I can't do this, I just can't. As for that, I'm more than tempted to not bother. It's not like these end up being worth it. A 90 minute drive for a 15 minute interview for a job I won't get and don't really want, yeah. Except I don't have a fucking choice.