[Kate*]

[size="2"]"Building Character" is a BS concept. "They" try to tell you it's the "good" that comes out of your life completely falling apart and/or never being easy just so "they" can say there is some. What "they" really mean is that being dealt a shit hand by the universe will give you the thick skin required to put up with the ignorance, judgement, and abuse that you'll get from "them" just for being who you are. And "they" will use it as "their" excuse to get away with everything "they" know is wrong.

Why do I keep going back to that?!?! It's not like I'm convinced I want it or that I could even do it (get in and/or finish). And just because the (research) idea sounds good now, doesn't mean it will stay that way (I present my thesis as an example) I guess it couldn't hurt to follow the only lead I was given and try reaching out to them. I don't have high hopes for help from you, but either way, please be gentile, I've been through hell you couldn't imagine and that you'll never know about.

If he wants those, I hope he kept copies since I've lost mine from two laptops ago and can't get into that email anymore.

And now I have to re-call these people and cancel AGAIN, ugh

well, that didn't work, back to square one we go. Don't know how much longer I can do this.

What am I supposed to be learning from all of this?!?! If nothing is worthless or wasted, and you use everything? What is the purpose of me losing everything and then doing NOTHING for over a year? You realize I'm running out right?! I need a break soon, please. I couldn't be more stuck or any more at a stand still if I had planned life to go this way. She says more school isn't an option, even if I could afford it, jobs aren't exactly working out, vocational rehab is worthless for this, therapy won't put anything practical into place, and nobody else has any ideas. Remind me why the fuck this happened?! "You have options" and "This might be the best thing that ever happens to you." my ass!!!!!" Suicide it is, I just can't do it anymore You understand right?!.