[Kate*]

You've been gone 9 years now, most of the time it doesn't feel like it. You're a major reason I got into that. I hope you're not disappointed that it fell apart. I thought by now I'd be helping people who were dealing with the issues you did to keep them from suffering like I think you did. Instead it destroyed my self-esteem and left my life in shambles and of course, I'll never be able to do what I dreamed of while I try to fall asleep and expect to be rejected from a job in retail. I really wish I could at least help him, he reminded me SO much of you it was scary, and him too, but mostly the first guy. I can never do that either though, so now it just has to hurt as I ache to do something else that's impossible. Stupid disability.

I FINALLY sent you that, been thinking about doing it forever. And this time I mean it when I say it's okay if you don't respond, though it would probably sting a little, I know you don't owe me anything including an answer or help. And now the anxiety starts to set in, I know it went to the right place, I tend to tell you too much, I tried to keep it as vague as possible because you always resisted knowing the details. It was kind of depressing, but you know what? The truth is that my life has been a complete NIGHTMARE, this was mild compared to how it could've come out and it certainly hasn't all been all butterflies and rainbows since then. I'm not going to pretend everything is okay just so you don't feel bad. That wasn't to guilt trip you into responding either, I'm hoping for one, but I'm not your job anymore. Maybe it wasn't the most professional email I've ever sent, but considering how often I ended up in your office I figure it's probably okay and either way, what's done is done and there's no going back now. If you don't want to respond, you won't.

I hope I didn't offend you, I hope you know I would never do that on purpose