[hocus pocus]

We're not professionals, so we can't tell you for sure if you have depression, but it does sound like you're struggling with it. You have to feel bad to want to harm yourself in the way you're considering doing it.

It seems like your parents don't want you to talk about how you're feeling. A lot of people's parents are like that as they tend to be old fashion and they believe that, "your business is your business." However, not talking about how you're feeling can make you feel worse than you already do. Since your counselor is aware of your thoughts about self-harming (due to the joke) maybe you can try to talk to her about how you're feeling. You might want to consider asking her about the confidentiality policies, but I know that once my parents initially knew about my self-harm, they felt there was no need to tell them again. If you don't want to talk to her, talk to someone else you trust. You can consider keeping a journal or a blog as well. Just remember that what you're feeling is nothing to be ashamed of.

Take a look at some alternatives to self-harm. There are a lot here, and different things work for different people, but they're all worth a try. Once you find some that work for you, you might benefit from writing them down. Also, remember distractions are temporary, whereas coping skills can be used to replace the behavior all together. If you find yourself wanting to cut during a certain time, for instance, you can fill that time period with something else each day.