[Skyline]

I really like you. I often wonder about "love", and several times I've had to catch myself before the words "I love you" push past my teeth, because I really don't know about Love. It's such a heavy word, and for me it would mean letting go of my fears of us separating next year or doing long-distance, and I'm still working on that. So I can't say that I love you, because if I do I want to be a hundred and ten percent sure, and I don't want to feel like I'm making myself vulnerable; I would want it to feel like I'm just being honest and not feel the pressure of wondering wether or not you'd say it back.
However, I can say bluntly and concretely that I really like you. When I'm with you, I feel liked and calm and safe, and I feel like although it requires effort, we both try to put our selfish desires aside and support the other. At least this is how I see it.
But I do find it hard sometimes; I feel like I've been conditioned to believe that when you love someone you should absolutely put them before yourself, that you should understand them perfectly and that it should be reciprocated. And that makes me feel like I'm sometimes being selfish... I know you have big plans, and in just a few months time you'll be moving to another school. We can't know what'll happen then, we can't know how we'll feel. We might break up, and yeah, that will suck and I'm scared of building something which might have to be knowked down, but I'm really trying to enjoy what we have now. We might try to do long-distance, and that thought scares me too, because I'm someone who needs constant reassurance that I'm desired and exclusive, and I fear that long-distance would definitely create more doubt than I already have.
I also have an "ideal" vision of love, and in that sense I tend to have very perfectionist thoughts, so whenever something seems to be a bit fishy I get paranoid that this isn't meant to be. But I'm working on it. I'm trying to not take that vision too seriously, and at the same time work towards it.
I want to show you so many parts of me... and I don't mean physically. I'm not that good at sharing my feelings when they're very intense, which they are, but I'm trying to ease myself into a place where I can talk to you the way I would to my best friends. I want to feel comfortable talking about extremely random shit, and also extremely serious shit, but not in a way to target you personally.
I really like you, and whatever it is that we're doign and no matter what it becaomes, I'm happy that we're doing it now.