[nothereanymore]

I'm not pretty. I'm decent at best. Parts of me look nice, but most of me is unattractive. I don't look right. I don't feel right. I'm asymmetrical and lumpy and bony and childish-looking. I look twelve, not almost nineteen. I don't have what makes other girls beautiful. I don't have the right face shape or body proportions. Even my voice is ugly. I stammer so horribly on literally every other word. I'm not pretty. I'm not beautiful. I'm decent at best, and saying that's kind of a favor. Who wants decent? How can I live with decent?
I want to die. This suicidality that's been plaguing me for weeks now is not because of an outside event or another person. It's all because of me. Me and my unattractive body and ugly personality that makes me so awful to others. I'm a selfish friend and family member. Death is ten years overdue and I don't care who I inconvenience anymore.