[jamdoughnut]

My god please take this from me...
Why is it that I just can't talk to people? I can't have a normal conversation I can't have friends because of it I can't even talk to my family. I can't ever organize my thoughts I can't ever set what I want to say and when I finally can I'm stifled. They all just look down on me, because I'm younger, because I'm lesser somehow. Why? Why don't I get to win? They get the amazing life stories and the charm and all the fun, and I can't even have a decent conversation with someone. I don't even have friends because I can't talk to someone, any time I try to just talk the person judges me and pushes me away I don't understand it.
What am I supposed to do?
They don't get it... I don't think there's a single person like me, someone who understands it and thinks the way I do. I'm so different, I sing fit in anywhere, I don't think I ever have. Not even in my family. And I dint want to belong, most of them are a bunch of judgemental, ungrateful, mean spirited people, and easily just a bunch of jerks. They don't care for me, they don't care for anyone but themselves, and ask they do is hate. I don't want that, I don't want to be anything like that crowd, but it's lonely outside of it. It's lonely being so different and distant from everyone else.
Better to be alone than in bad company, right?


My heart hurts again. My heart and my hands and my head. I'm pretty sure I'm going mad.