[Kate*]

I would really love to not get sick tonight like last time.

Unless I aspire to life on disability or suicide I'm going to be disappointed. No one will ever understand how much I hate that and no one can tell me otherwise. I need someone to tell me fighting for my entire life will be worth it because everything will work out, but I don't think they can.

Just when I think I'm over it, I realize I'm not.

How was I supposed to know that?! and if you accredit a program, you should list it, there shouldn't be a separate process, that's just stupid.

I'm at the point where I'm recovered enough to function and I'm now bored. Things need to change soon or I'm going to crash again. And we're there I can't do this, I just can't.

My disability is NOT an excuse or a choice and if I'm blaming them for my life collapsing it's only because they traumatized me and contributed to it. The fact that it had to happen was nobody's fault, but I will NOT accept being blamed for it and it did not have to be done the way it was. I have to recover at my own pace. One of the major reasons I haven't gone to a(nother) professional yet is because I don't want to be:
Told this isn't real
Told it's something else
Told I have to settle for a life I hate and there's nothing I can do about it
Pushed to process this and move on faster than I'm able to

Only people who have been through this (and supposedly that's nobody) will understand how devastating it really is. Devastating, soul-crushing, terrifying, and paralyzing don't even almost do it justice.

I was going to be licensed too bitch! I know how you were trained. Your theory of choice is one thing, but you don't go throwing that license around to force people to agree with you. You're acting REALLY professional right now. I feel sorry for your clients.

Realizing I wasn't wrong. I may as well start applying for disability now and throw the few dreams I still have out the window. The sooner I accept that I will never have a life, the easier it will be.