[Kate*]

Yes, I sent that to you over social media at 3:30 AM on a Sunday. Your contact link is broken and I don't want to like the page unless I get into a program so how else was I supposed to do it? As long as it doesn't come back to bite me and you update the list since you've accredited that program for decades, I don't care.

I need help which probably means having to contact you again, but there is SHAME here and I don't want to have to come back to you and admit that I failed, even if I didn't have control over why.

There's less shame with contacting you because you were with me through most of that, but I still feel like I'm bothering you and I don't know what you can do anyway.

I'm SO glad you finally started therapy, I'd been hoping you would for awhile, but we aren't close enough for me to say anything to you about it. I should probably be next, just when I think I'm ready to move on, I realize I'm still stuck. I don't want to finally work up the courage to go only to have them say this isn't real or that my only options are dead end entry level crap I would hate. It wouldn't be my first time, but everything about my experience as a student and a client has been absolutely horrific.

I refuse to believe happiness is a choice, it's no more a choice for me than my mental illness and neurological disability. I live my life, you don't. When you do a better job surviving in my shoes than I have then you can tell me I'm choosing to make myself miserable in circumstances you can't even imagine yet in your view I somehow created. I'm so SICK TO DEATH of people telling me I'm "choosing" this mess and that I "put myself here." I've done nothing of the sort and I will not be guilt tripped into believing that I can fix something I have no control over! Life is so much easier when you don't listen to people on Youtube. I'm going to let the strangers and/or trolls who will never understand me fight this one out.