I just feel at the end of my rope. My parents control all aspects of my life including my entire day's schedule with little to no time for leisure for myself or to make decisions for that personal time. I cannot negotiate with them because they control what little leisure time I have. I feel very stressed out because I am going into my final year of high school with constant advice that if I don't do well it will be very bad for me, and I too believe this, but that is what my parents use to be so controlling. I no longer have any time to hangout with friends. One of the major conflicts other than school is technology. I have an iPad with strict restrictions for no games, no installing of apps and a filtered wifi, which has small if any time during the day when it is unblocked, otherwise everything is blocked. Right now I have 15 minutes to type before the wifi is blocked and this is when my parents are out otherwise if they saw me writing this I'd get my iPad taken away which is the only thing I have for leisure and they'd justify it as a misuse of their trust and more of my iPad time to talk with friends gets taken away. I don't own a phone with anything more than rudimentary calling and texting capabilities, (2006 blackberry brick) and to even use that I have to pay my dad money that I earn for doing work to get more credit and even then only he has access to the account to add it, meaning he also checks my phone logs and text logs removing all privacy I have with talking to my friends or if they see a girl's name they will give me a big talking to about girls in high school being a distraction and then not allowing me to talk to them again. We don't have a
pc anymore because my dad thinks that it'll "add to my distraction". I can't have a civilised discussion about anything with my parents as it always evolves into a yelling match about me being a spoiled brat who doesn't know what's good for me or me getting smashed in the face. I have tried to bring up conversation about changing the rules but they Yell at me and tell me they're disappointed for me even suggesting it. Nothing but study everyday and the gloom of year 12 with little contact outside of school with my friends has really put me in a corner and I feel like I can't deal with it. Suicide enters my head when I feel really down. How do I cope?