Hey everyone
Im not really sure of where to start off since most of these topics im going to discuss I haven't talked with anyone else yet.
Also I apologize in advance if this is in the wrong category for there are a few topics I will discuss that fit into different categories.
I also apologize in advance if this is too long!!! I will try to make it as short as possible, thanks!
To start I think the root of problem number one would be that I think I have BDD for I am really unconfident about myself. I hate taking photos of myself, looking at myself and sometimes even going into public or being around people. Ive asked for advice about this before and ive gotten "if you dont like something about yourself, change it!" but its really hard considering i dont know what I dont like about myself? I would try changing my hairstyle, something simple, or changing my wardrobe stuff like that but I simply do not have the money for it. And its hard getting a job in a small town with few opportunities while still in highschool with no car.
The first problem kind of leads to problem number 2.
I was in a long distance relationship with this guy i met when I was 16. It was kind of on and off as there were many difficulties. One difficulty was my confidence. I am so unconfident that I did not even want to skype with him let alone voice chat. And I know it wasn't fair and I always felt bad when I refused to. We eventually broke up in May 2015 but its still really hard for me to get over him. I also think our relationship was pretty abusive with my bad mood swings and he was using substance abuse at the time(i wasnt aware) so we were always fighting and him calling me names which made me feel bad about myself even more. In Nov 2015 he contacted me, I havent had contact with him since we had broken up, and he tells me everything about how he was using drugs and that he was in rehab and just wanted me to know the truth ect. I guess I thought that meant he wanted to get back together and I got my hopes up too quickly and he let me know that he wasn't really interested in me anymore.
And now my third problem is the result of the last two problems. I am seriously so depressed. He was pretty much my best friend and the only one I talked to since im doing an alternative program for school wheres theres only about 15 of us and its not really fun. I know education is not supposed to be fun but its so unmotivating. I sit at a desk staring at the computer screen for the 6 hours of school, and most of the time I can never get assistance with my schoolwork because theres only 1 math teacher and everyone else needs the assistance. I feel like I could just rather do this at home, also I get very depressed when im in school anyway. I get anxiety about taking the school bus in the morning which makes my mom drive me to school everyday and some days I just not go because oversleeping makes me wake up later no matter how many times I set my alarm.
In the end I feel like if I am not enjoying life then why live? I'm considered taking my life, actually I consider it daily and at this point I want to get help, I've thought about hospitalizing my self to get better but idk.
Everything is just so overwhelming.
Also it is somewhat embarrassing to be admitting this all although I know there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Thank you for your time for reading this!
Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!