Hello Clayton
I think it's best to remember that no matter what happens, the people who love us, never truly leave us. Your grandpa would also want you to be happy and would really like it if you believe and like yourself more. What you need to do is to slowly overcome this, and maybe take a year off ... doing things that will let you grow as a person and a helper
I get the feeling that you're someone who doubts yourself a lot,which doesn't need to be the case.
Just believe in yourself.. because there is no reason not to. If you're anxious ... think about the fact that you'll be able to better handle situations that you aren't used to if you're willing to think things through. Don't need to force yourself to not think about anything.. just handle everything naturally , and remember that your grandpa is watching over you.
His smile is your smile, and your smile his.
You're very much better than you think you are, and you don't need to beat yourself up. Everyone goes through experiences and they've made mistakes. So have you. But they've learned from all of these encounters and have become better people than they once were.
So can you.
Just handle everything one at a time, and remember to not rush things . If you do your best at everything you try your hand at, and slowly gather self-confidence and belief, then you will definitely be okay.
There's no point thinking about suicide because you've so many other experiences for you.... most of them happy rather than sad. There'll be some sad moments, but the joy of the good will far outweigh the bad.
You are loved, and loved so much.
Mary's an awesome person for being so determined and strong, and I'm proud of Mary Clayton. Most of all, Mary Clayton should be proud of Mary Clayton
Remember that you'll always have us to rant to, and we'll always be around for you. I'll always be here if you need someone to talk to or just want a friend