[hocus pocus]

My therapist told me something about self-harm a few weeks ago. I know it doesn't apply to everyone struggling with it but it might help. He said a lot of people change their breathing patterns shortly before thinking about cutting and they often don't notice their breathing is off. Some people will then do little things like hair pulling or skin picking before cutting. If you have a pattern of things you do before cutting, try to catch yourself as you're doing it. You don't have to do any breathing exercises if you're not into them but try to be conscious of your breathing. If you're aware of it you can try to take a few deep breaths to steady it. Sometimes I'll get into bed and wrap myself in a blanket to feel secure and put my favorite hand lotion on or I'll watch my breathing or use one of my calming apps. I think being aware of your breathing if you can do that helps a lot, particularly if you have a lot of anxiety.

You said no grounding techniques help. What kind of ones have you tried? I think using scents for dissociation is the most helpful out of your other senses because it can kind of remind you you're in the present. I know there is the point of no return with dissociation but if you catch yourself leaving maybe you can smell something. A lot of stores, especially around this time of year, have little tiny travel or gift body sprays and those could help so you could carry it around with you.

One thing that helps when I'm out of it is trying to keep a conversation. Keeping a conversation with someone takes a lot of effort and hearing your voice out loud might help. If you can concentrate enough, maybe you can read. If you can't concentrate on a book, watch a movie or a TV show and let yourself get sucked into it even if you know you won't remember. I'm struggling to find things that help me but dissociation makes me tired and sleeping it off helps too.

Do you cut a certain time of day? Does one particular feeling cause you to cut? If you cut at night because of anxiety, for instance, you could try to prevent the urge before you get it. Coloring does wonders for anxiety. I think anything crafty is a safe bet.

I have different levels of dissociative states but when I am aware enough to know what I am doing I try to remind myself of the damage I'll do because of being out of it. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on the day. Sometimes I'll stand under the shower and just press my head against the cold wall. Even if I don't wash myself off I am at least safe in there as long as I don't bring any tools. I'll also chew on ice. I do that on and off all day and it helps but I'm not quite sure why.

Dissociation is a pain in the butt because it is really hard to come back, no matter what skills you use. I hope you're able to find something that works for you though.