[JazzyJazz]

Trying to act as if you're okay when you're not is one of the most exhausting games ever and one that you don't need to play with everyone. Sure, I can understand you not wanting to discuss things with your friends, but perhaps opening up to someone else might be a good idea as you seem very alone with this.

I think that because of what happened in your last relationship (which I'm glad you found the courage to end by the way), you could benefit from talking to a counsellor. This would allow you discuss any difficult situations and feelings that occurred, as well as get him out of your system and move on properly.

Are you currently seeing any mental health professionals? What happened to your treatment once you left the hospital?