[Kate*]

After 10 years of handing out the candy, this year I just don't want to. And yes I know what that means.

This feeling is back and I HATE IT, health psychology feels like a perfect fit, but I think having to be non-clinical would drive me insane, I'd never get in, I can't teach, and the work load would crush me to death. I know I'll never see another client which is probably the real issue here and that is the basis of why I'm so crushed. It just sucks. I could send that to her, but I'm falling asleep as it is and I'm NOT expecting a response at 2AM UGH

I know you're strength-based, we were trained the same way, but here's the thing that NO ONE understands about this rare disorder I'm cursed with: I don't have enough strengths to overcome all the deficits which means we never succeed. At anything. Hence the extremely bleak prognosis and high suicide rate. A faculty of self-proclaimed strength-based MENTAL HEALTH professionals couldn't identify ANY strengths of mine in 3 YEARS. In fact they spent that time doing NOTHING but TEARING ME APART. I already didn't believe I had any strengths, but even if I had, nothing will convince you better than that that you don't have any.

I REALLY hope the ground beef I just ate wasn't part of the massive recall (I doubt it was, but still)

I need HELP and even though my broken neurology is nothing to be ashamed of, I've been told in no uncertain terms for the last 27 years that it is and now this happened and I'm ashamed to tell them what happened. I would react the same way in almost all of it, but the shame is kicking in now.

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP ANYMORE?!?!?!