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Originally Posted by RadioSerenade
I decided this morning that I was going to start answering a couple of questions rather than posting them and I can safely say, this is not the sort of question I expected to answer! Regardless, there is nothing embarrassing or wrong about it, I mean this is the Sex and Puberty Forum of the site, and is so for a good reason. You have provided an admirable volume of valour and clarity and I shall return with a corresponding level of value in my response  .
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xD yeah, i know it's kind of an awkward question... just, it had to be asked. i really need help lol and online is the only place i can go for help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioSerenade
The first thing I want to say, is that you have every ounce of permission to turn back sex or scale back your depth of your sexual relationship, so there is no question that you have every right to proclaim that you don't want to go too fast, if that's the way you feel. It takes.... seven words LOL, I can count after all  . Anyways, that's the first thing. |
do you have any advice on how to bring this up with him? or how to say it?
like i said, i think i'm fine with the way things are now... i mean, i don't see anything wrong with what we're doing. it is really fast for the relationship, but it's fun and all so..
my biggest concern about this, however, is not that i think it's wrong to do this so early in the relationship... but that i'm terrified that it's going to make the relationship all about sex.
is there any way i can prevent that from happening? we spend plenty of time together not doing sexual things. but a lot of times even when we're talking, he randomly kisses me or touches me (not anywhere private, just like on my side or something.) i'm comfortable with him doing this, but i just want to make sure that the relationship isn't all about being physical, you know?
if that makes sense... :S
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioSerenade
The second thing you have to remember is that these things take time, learning sex does take some time. The most important thing when you're having sex is that you trust and that you love the person on the other end, because sex is an act of love. In that regard, your propensity to reach an orgasm, and certainly to get your boyfriend to the point of orgasm is not indicative of the nature and value of your relationship NOR your value as a woman. You HAVE to remember that. As far as HOW to learn sex, WOW you cannot ask a person further from the veins of that answer than myself.
The third and final thing I will remind you of, is to be careful during your sexual encounters. You have done well to set boundaries for yourself and your boyfriend has done the same, but make sure that, in the pressure that I have picked up that you are feeling to please your boyfriend, you don't step out of your own comfort zone.
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haha awwh.. i know. it just makes me feel really down on myself to know i can't please him to that extent.
but thanks, i'll definitely keep that in mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioSerenade
I recommend you have an honest and open conversation about sex with your boyfriend and I cannot completely comment on the proposition of breaking up, but if your boyfriend pressurizes you in sexuality, even inadvertently, then it might be for the best to speak to him about how you are feeling and/or consider your relationship together. It depends on your individual feelings but sit him down and have a chat about it. Author, George Saunders, married his now wife in three weeks and while I BY NO MEANS recommend you consider the same path, it doesn't make the relationship any less integral..... any less harboring of integrity..... any less... Ugh. No, not ugh, but ugh as in me. Ugh as in mugh  .
Anyways, the most important part in that declaration was that you do not let this define your value as a woman or as a person. Because you're beautiful regardless of whether your boyfriend reaches orgasm as a result of that beauty. |
lmao "mugh" xD
i will for sure think about that, and we've already talked briefly about sex. he said he doesn't want to have sex until his mom meets me, and i said i didn't want to until we were together for a much longer while than just two weeks.
but if the need for the conversation comes up again, then i'll talk to him about it.
thanks so much for the advice! i'm so glad someone finally responded, i was just thinking, "oh my god, maybe i'm such a loser that no one can help me. D': "
