[Tametsi]

Hi! I'm sorta really messed up in what I am exactly (I'm between genderfluid and demiboy), but I do identify as trans/other, as my gender identity does not usually match up with what I was assigned at birth.

1) What pronoun do you prefer to be addressed by?
I currently prefer They/Them pronouns, but I often say that "I'll take whatever I can get", because I'm often a little too nervous to open up about it. Ask about their comfort level- I'm nervous about using the correct pronouns because back home I would have been shamed for it, but where I am currently, they're very kind about it. Besides that, I've found what pronouns I feel fit best change- when I first realized that my gender didn't match the one I was assigned at birth, I thought of myself as solely male, and desired male pronouns, but now I see myself as a very fluid mixture. Remember that gender is a spectrum, and while I can't speak for your friends, I can speak for myself on that, and that support in whatever they need is the best thing you can ever give them.

Do you prefer a name that is different from your given name at birth?
I use to prefer a different name, but later decided that I like my birth name. For me, this was a very personal thing- as my name is a part of my cultural heritage. I do however, have friends that both go by their birth names as well, or have chosen another name. I think that depends on personal preferences as well, and accept that you might slip up from time to time if your friends do decide to go by a new name- definitely don't make a big deal out of it and correct yourself (and do apologize).

2) How old were you when you first felt a difference between your biological sex and gender identity?
I don't think I really knew anything about myself when I was a kid. I knew certain things felt more right than others- I'd always felt awkward in my body, but attributed it to other things (such as weight or height, as I was/am fat and kind of tall). I only really realized that what I felt was different from what my peers felt at 14, so like, three-four years ago. Honestly, it tripped me up for a while thinking I wasn't "trans enough" because I hadn't known my whole life, but I'm coming to a place where I realize when I knew isn't a big deal, because when I figured it out shouldn't matter, it's that I've had the resources and the support to understand myself that does.

3) Who in your life has been the most supportive? Who could be more supportive?
The most supportive person in my life has probably been one of my buddy's that I met on teenhelp the first time I was on here, like, three-to-four years ago, that I do still talk to fairly regularly. He understands me the best. Another would be one of my friends who came out as trans fairly recently- we only really talked about it once or twice, but I found that knowing him and seeing how strong he is, really helped. I mean, it made me think that it wasn't hopeless. People who could have been more supportive would be: my parents- my mom knows but thinks I'm just bullshitting, and she doesn't support me in the least, in anything really. My friends as well, I've really given up on correcting a lot of my friends- because I'm not emotionally ready to deal with explaining it multiple times? But at the same time, I'm not emotionally ready to deal with the constant mis-gendering.

4) What is the biggest struggle of the transition process?
My biggest struggle is figuring out how to. I'm afraid to come out. I'm afraid to lose my family, I'm afraid to lose all my future prospects. I'm afraid as someone who feels relatively gender-fluid to do something and regret it later- which stems from the constant mis-gendering and the constant thoughts of "am I trans enough?". I've reached a point where, I don't really know what I'm going to do- my only step right now is to get my hands on a binder and some people who support and care for me. Whatever comes next comes next, I'll figure it out. But I think in general, the biggest struggle of transitioning is having the support needed to go through everything. It's not easy. There's a whole lot of work that goes into being able to transition, and a long process. Besides that it's also like, you're striving to become the person you wish you saw in the mirror, the person that you can feel inside, and I think there's a change of disappointment, because not everyone can just transition and look the way society expects a certain person of either gender to look like.

5) What is something you'd like more people to know about your experience as a transgender individual?
That it's not all silly made up pronouns. This is my life, my life is never being able to find the right pronouns, the right words to express myself. That it hurts inside some days- most days, that sometimes it's really hard to look in the mirror, because I can't ignore what's wrong with my body anymore.