[Kate*]

Other people with more severe conditions can do it, WHY CAN'T I?!?! I know I'm not the first to lose it over this and I know it was a train wreck, and that that program may or may not have had issues besides me, but other people can do it and I know life's not fair, but COME ON! It's been almost a year and people are telling me to move on, I get it, but until I know what I'm doing instead, I can't

Just when I start to think I might be able to breathe again, the flashbacks return. I can accept that it wasn't working, but the thought of never going near people again is crushing, the way I was treated and it was handled has reinforced old scars and created new ones, the debt will be with me forever, the lack of employability is adding to everything, and the reason for all of this gets worse and never goes away. There really is no way out; I might actually have to do it.

If all I want to do is help people, and my disability makes it impossible, then there's no point in having any more dreams because they'll just get ripped away from me like all the others have.

You know what I'm capable of, if that's not the way for me to do it then you need to show me what is, I feel like I'm going crazy here.